Robin Williams

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I hate hearing so many people saying that he was selfish and that suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do. I tried explaining to someone that when you feel that terrible, you don't think that your death will matter to anyone or you even think that it would be better for them if you weren't around anymore. I know that I've had those moments many times and it takes a lot of convincing from friends to make me change my mind. Sometimes I still don't believe it even then. It's a unique point of desperation to hit that low point and I feel for both those who cared about Robin Williams and hurt for the pain that he must have been in to make the decision to end his own life. 

if I ever have so much money...

would you like some dog coffee?
if I ever have so much money that i need to pay someone to do my taxes, i won't have to worry about it, because i'll have the money to pay said person!
would you like some dog coffee?
i can never decide if i like peanuts or not. 


would you like some dog coffee?
The verdict: (1) My pupils are fine. The are unusually large, but they will constrict. It might cause extra sensitivity to bright light, but that's manageable. (2) It seems I have chronic allergic conjunctivitis WHICH I TELL PEOPLE ALL THE TIME when my eyes are a mess and they're all like, "Ew, go home!" I have new, different antihistamine eye drops to use daily and a follow-up appointment in two weeks. If there's no improvement then, we'll look at whether antibiotic drops are needed. (3) I have a hemorrhage in my eye right now that I hadn't even noticed (probably from Sunday & Monday when I had conjunctivitis). Poor eye!

grad school

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I never wanted to go back to school. In fact, when I finished graduate school in 2004, I said, "I am never going back to school again!" The freedom I had from the feeling of never having a guilt-free moment was gone, I didn't have to write papers, it was glorious.

And now I'm going back to school. And I'm not happy. And I'm not excited. And I don't want to.


please, no more

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I feel that feeling, creeping in again.

happy birthday

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Again, I must send a happy birthday to the wonderful ms_pooka, who despite her self-doubts and frustrations excels through every day, offers me condolences and sympathy when I need them, and continues to see hope for me. Though from afar, it always brings me up. May you have a wonderful day and a wonderful year.

rash decisions (hahahaha)

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Additional research continues to support the idea that the rash on my face is an allergic reaction to penicillin via chicken. Additional time supports the idea that Benadryl is not adequate treatment for said rash.
Fortunately, I happen to have a routine physical scheduled tomorrow so I can talk to the doctor about it. Because research also suggests that an oral and/or topical steroid may be required and that it can take up to a month for penicillin rash to abate. Uncool, rash/penicillin/chickens/farmers/industry/USDA. UNCOOL.


would you like some dog coffee?
If you don't think the antibiotics in your food affect you, think again.

After much examination, experimentation, research, and discussion, Michelle Nagly and I have decided that the crazy insane rash I have all over my face is a reaction to antibiotics (specifically penicillin) in chicken that I ate in the past week at my dietitian's recommendation because I've been so sick and in recovery mode... and in need of protein.

Long story short, I have a penicillin allergy, penicillin is often used in chicken feed, when one has a penicillin allergy but has it in tiny doses one can become temporarily desensitized (for example, when I did regularly eat chicken), and this is the first time I've eaten chicken in 7.5 years (thus, sensitivity reinstated). A rash was the reaction I used to get in response to penicillin, a penicillin rash looks like early stage measles, and that's exactly what my face looks like. Absolutely insane.

Conjunctivitis Chronicles, Part Two

would you like some dog coffee?
Conjunctivitis Chronicles, Part Two
- It's not pink eye; it's irritation.
- Now I'm supposed to take antihistamine *eye drops*. Four times daily at the moment. Fortunately, they are covered by my insurance (there was a period of uncertainty).
- I'm totally owed for being banned from work today.


would you like some dog coffee?
i will not be mollified
Terror and Hope

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